Uncertainty: A Time For My Faith In God To Grow

Uncertain times have fallen upon my family. Well, let me back up a bit. We sorted of started it! My husband has been feeling a strong calling from the Lord and after much prayer (and avoidance) he has decided to answer and accept. This meant taking a big leap of faith during a crucial time in our family's chapter as we are about to have another child.

But we both felt comfortable and at ease. We had total faith in our decision and received confirmation in several ways through our church and prayer.

The funny thing is: we had a plan. We still wanted to control the situation and assumed it would work out how we wanted it to work out; with little to no discomfort. Our finances wouldn't be threatened. No one's feelings would be hurt. Everyone involved would be in perfect agreement with our plan to completely shift gears in career and our future as a family. God put a stop to that pretty quick! He reminded us that in order to have COMPLETE faith we had to Let Go and Let God. Not have our version of "complete" faith and say yes to the Lord...but under our conditions. That's not how it works.

It is a reminder that answering God's call in our lives means letting him drive the car and not being a back seat driver as they say. It means living in uncertainty and discomfort sometimes. And we have to be ok there. It's a little exciting but scary. Ever drive down a very dark road. You turn on your long lights but you still can't see more than 20 feet ahead of you? What is coming around the bend? Will I be able to stop in time if I need to?

Writing this provides me with clarity and helps me to remain faithful. First and foremost to God and secondly to my husband whom I support wholeheartedly.

A dear friend and sister in Christ turned to me during Sunday service yesterday and shared a vision and message she received for our family: the said she saw my family standing in front of a thunderously powerful and beautiful waterfall. She said the Lord spoke to her and told her that we were on the right path and stay on course. It would get rocky at times but it was the right path. What a vision! The symbolism of the waterfall to me represents change and strong currents. We visited a waterfall during our Costa Rica vacation last year and it was breathtaking. The sound of the water crashing against the rocks and smoothing them over the course of hundreds and perhaps thousands of years is a perfect representation of what God does in our lives if we allow him to wash over us.

I choose to let Jesus drive. I choose to have complete Faith in His perfect plan for us. And I am turning my uncertainty into excitement. Life is going to get very interesting starting now!

Here are some verses I am reflecting on during these times. If you are currently struggling with uncertainty, be it in your relationships, career, finances or health I hope they bring you comfort as well.

1) Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4

2) So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:6

3) Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

4) God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Psalm 41:1

My Hypnobirthing Experience

On June 9, 20105, at about 11am, I my water broke. It wasn’t a gushing of water you usually hear about or see in the movies, but it was enough for me to know something was definitely happening. I had just spoken to Joe about how he was going to be doing something after work and wouldn’t be home until later. I called him and told him it was “go time”. I could immediately hear the excitement and dread in his voice. We couldn’t believe it was finally time. We spent so many days on the couch speaking to Jagger and counting the minutes until she was ready to join us in this world. 

Joe was home in no time. I still felt no surges and called Dr. Skeete’s office to see how to proceed. I also texted my hypnobirthing coach, Helen to let her know what was going on. Because of the fact that I had tested positive for Strep B, they advised me to go to the hospital immediately. Already my hypnobirthing plan was not going according to what I had hoped. I really wanted to stay home as long as possible because I knew that the more medical intervention there was, the more of a challenge it would be to stay in my “hypno zone”.

Against the wishes of my doctor I stayed home a few hours longer before heading to the hospital. Once I arrived the admitting nurse questioned whether my water really broke. I wasn’t testing positive for amniotic fluid. I walked for a couple of hours and after some more liquid proved what I kept insisting, my doctor decided to admit me. The catch: I would need to be induced by 6am the next morning if surges didn’t start on their own. The combination of the Strep B and the chances of infection for baby due to water breaking made it impossible to avoid. I was nervous about this. I knew the Pitocin was going to intensify the surges. All night, I tossed and turned with nurses coming in every couple of hours to check on baby and me. 6am came along and my Pitocin began.

My husband was an amazing coach. Nothing better than having your best friend at your side. He went to every single hypnobirthing session and stayed by my side. He kept time of the surges to allow me not to focus on them and reminded me to breathe and soften my shoulders. For most of the day I would fall into these hypnotic states; there were even moments where I would find myself in a childhood memory having a conversation or smiling as the next surge pulled me out of it. The surges started intensifying and getting closer together. Things were progressing well but I was starting to lose it. I was exhausted and in pain. My doctor suggested I take a shower for some pain relief. Wow! What an amazing feeling! My husband jumped in with me and it was the best feeling in the world. I shampooed my hair and had full conversations with Joe. My doctor also hoped that maybe my own body would take over once I was off the Pitocin (I couldn’t shower with the IV so the medicine had to stop). Unfortunately, my surges started getting further and further apart. So back on the Pitocin I went.

By the time I was 6cm my surges were getting so intense I started considering pain relief. I turned to my husband, and for the first time since going into labor, cried to him about how I felt like a complete failure for not being able to go through with my original intention of natural labor. He was comforting and completely supportive of my decision. After 16 hours of labor, I opted for an epidural and a couple of hours later Jagger Milena Gregory was born.

After 2 previous cesarean births, the fact that I was able to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) was incredible. I am so grateful for that experience. To be able to breathe my baby down, watch her enter this world and have her placed on my chest was the most incredible thing in the world.

Nothing went according to plan, but in the end everything turned out exactly as it was meant to. Jagger is a sweet and peaceful baby. And I know that all the preparation to have a Hypnobirth helped her experience calmness in the womb. I truly believe hypnobirthing techniques helped me throughout my pregnancy, during labor and now as I care for my baby girl.