In the evening, my husband and I will lay in bed on our phones. I have decided to fast from Facebook for the month of January, but I am a huge bookworm and read 3 even 4 books on my phone and at a time. I get very curious as to what he reads or is doing on his phone. Mostly because I always wonder where his mind is at. I'm still very much fascinated by what may interest him or has his attention as of late. So...I wondered if he felt the same way. I asked, "do you ever wonder what I am reading." He quickly and swiftly replied, "No. Not really. Do you?" I had to chuckle. He was being completely honest. He literally fell asleep 2 minutes after that conversation while I reeled in anger and disappointment! How could he not wonder about where his wife's thoughts are? How could it not even cross his mind? I admit there are many times where I am reading and I wish he would turn and say, "so what book are you reading? What are you interested in right now?" In other words, share a piece of yourself with me. I still find you interesting. I still value your opinion and want to know where you stand and how you see the world. It not only broke my heart but also disappointed me.
I feel this is something I should share with him. And I am positive he doesn't mean it this way at all. Men usually don't! They just have a different way of looking at things. However, I know in order for me to heal from the hurt this caused I have to 1) confront him and share and 2) pray! Pray to God to allow me to forgive him and release the resentment and anger I am holding based on what I feel was a very insensitive and disinterested manner.
Have you ever felt betrayed or disappointed at a loved ones reaction? Is this a red flag or concern for our marriage? Definitely something to pray about. In fact, maybe I will pray about it with my husband. I also feel that if I want to live a more peaceful existence I need to release my expectations of people. That includes my husband. People are not always going to react how we want them to. And if I live my life that way, I am setting myself up for constant disappointment.
Dear Lord: today I pray to be released from any sin and ill feelings toward my husband. I pray that you open his heart to a renewed curiosity about me. Please God, bless him with hungry eyes for all of me including my mind, body and soul. Help him to see me as a partner, lover, friend and confidant. Heavenly father, I pray that you protect and seal our relationship in a special protection and that you allow me to be the best wife I can be without holding on to resentments toward him even when he may not meet my "expectations". I pray all this in Jesus; name. Amen.
