Reflecting Before My Reflection Time

I will be 35 weeks pregnant in just a couple of days and I am getting ready to embark on a spiritual women's retreat. It will most likely be the last time I will have some "me" time for a while so I am very excited. I'm also stressing leaving my daughter since it is the first time I have ever left her for more than a few hours! But i know she is in good hands with her dad and grandma. 

These coming days are for me. For the opportunity to completely surrender to God and make a conscious, not rushed effort to listen to what He wants to share with me. My mom flew in to help me care for my daughter and my husband has made all kinds of schedule and life adjustments to gift this time to me just as he did a few months ago.  

I am looking forward to being able to come back home renewed and inspired and to be able to share my experiences with him. The retreat is sacred and as of this moment, my husband has been unable to really get into what he experienced because I hadn't gone myself. 

So this morning, I pray that I can get out of my own way and allow God to first clear out anything that is not of Him and second to fill me with newfound wisdom and more joy and peace that I have ever experienced before. I want nothing less than full transformation from this weekend. I want to walk out of there a better wife, mother, sister, friend and disciple. 

Here is to GROWTH!

When Our Husbands Disappoint Us

In the evening, my husband and I will lay in bed on our phones. I have decided to fast from Facebook for the month of January, but I am a huge bookworm and read 3 even 4 books on my phone and at a time. I get very curious as to what he reads or is doing on his phone. Mostly because I always wonder where his mind is at. I'm still very much fascinated by what may interest him or has his attention as of late. So...I wondered if he felt the same way. I asked, "do you ever wonder what I am reading." He quickly and swiftly replied, "No. Not really. Do you?" I had to chuckle. He was being completely honest. He literally fell asleep 2 minutes after that conversation while I reeled in anger and disappointment! How could he not wonder about where his wife's thoughts are? How could it not even cross his mind? I admit there are many times where I am reading and I wish he would turn and say, "so what book are you reading? What are you interested in right now?" In other words, share a piece of yourself with me. I still find you interesting. I still value your opinion and want to know where you stand and how you see the world. It not only broke my heart but also disappointed me.

I feel this is something I should share with him. And I am positive he doesn't mean it this way at all. Men usually don't! They just have a different way of looking at things. However, I know in order for me to heal from the hurt this caused I have to 1) confront him and share and 2) pray! Pray to God to allow me to forgive him and release the resentment and anger I am holding based on what I feel was a very insensitive and disinterested manner.

Have you ever felt betrayed or disappointed at a loved ones reaction? Is this a red flag or concern for our marriage? Definitely something to pray about. In fact, maybe I will pray about it with my husband. I also feel that if I want to live a more peaceful existence I need to release my expectations of people. That includes my husband. People are not always going to react how we want them to. And if I live my life that way, I am setting myself up for constant disappointment.

Dear Lord: today I pray to be released from any sin and ill feelings toward my husband. I pray that you open his heart to a renewed curiosity about me. Please God, bless him with hungry eyes for all of me including my mind, body and soul. Help him to see me as a partner, lover, friend and confidant. Heavenly father, I pray that you protect and seal our relationship in a special protection and that you allow me to be the best wife I can be without holding on to resentments toward him even when he may not meet my "expectations".  I pray all this in Jesus; name. Amen. 

Uncertainty: A Time For My Faith In God To Grow

Uncertain times have fallen upon my family. Well, let me back up a bit. We sorted of started it! My husband has been feeling a strong calling from the Lord and after much prayer (and avoidance) he has decided to answer and accept. This meant taking a big leap of faith during a crucial time in our family's chapter as we are about to have another child.

But we both felt comfortable and at ease. We had total faith in our decision and received confirmation in several ways through our church and prayer.

The funny thing is: we had a plan. We still wanted to control the situation and assumed it would work out how we wanted it to work out; with little to no discomfort. Our finances wouldn't be threatened. No one's feelings would be hurt. Everyone involved would be in perfect agreement with our plan to completely shift gears in career and our future as a family. God put a stop to that pretty quick! He reminded us that in order to have COMPLETE faith we had to Let Go and Let God. Not have our version of "complete" faith and say yes to the Lord...but under our conditions. That's not how it works.

It is a reminder that answering God's call in our lives means letting him drive the car and not being a back seat driver as they say. It means living in uncertainty and discomfort sometimes. And we have to be ok there. It's a little exciting but scary. Ever drive down a very dark road. You turn on your long lights but you still can't see more than 20 feet ahead of you? What is coming around the bend? Will I be able to stop in time if I need to?

Writing this provides me with clarity and helps me to remain faithful. First and foremost to God and secondly to my husband whom I support wholeheartedly.

A dear friend and sister in Christ turned to me during Sunday service yesterday and shared a vision and message she received for our family: the said she saw my family standing in front of a thunderously powerful and beautiful waterfall. She said the Lord spoke to her and told her that we were on the right path and stay on course. It would get rocky at times but it was the right path. What a vision! The symbolism of the waterfall to me represents change and strong currents. We visited a waterfall during our Costa Rica vacation last year and it was breathtaking. The sound of the water crashing against the rocks and smoothing them over the course of hundreds and perhaps thousands of years is a perfect representation of what God does in our lives if we allow him to wash over us.

I choose to let Jesus drive. I choose to have complete Faith in His perfect plan for us. And I am turning my uncertainty into excitement. Life is going to get very interesting starting now!

Here are some verses I am reflecting on during these times. If you are currently struggling with uncertainty, be it in your relationships, career, finances or health I hope they bring you comfort as well.

1) Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4

2) So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you. Deuteronomy 31:6

3) Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

4) God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Psalm 41:1

Everything Is Possible For One Who Believes

First Post After a LONG While!




It's been a really long time since my last post! I have been busy enjoying motherhood, moving to a new city and being a stay at home mom. And we are expecting again! Jagger is now 17 months old and the new baby will be here in just a few weeks.

Since our move to the Tampa area we have really plugged into a small great little church and our faith and commitment to God has grown tremendously. I have made some amazing friends. Friends that share in our beliefs, have similar life circumstances and aren't judgemental at all. I am so grateful for this. Part of being a SAHM while your husband works long house is a bit of loneliness. Making friends quickly has really helped me keep a strong perspective on things. That's not to say that I don't feel isolated at times. Everyone has their own lives, responsibilities and schedules to keep. But it has made a huge difference knowing I can reach out to a number of different ladies if and when I need to.

There are a lot of changes going on in my family. Things I never really imagined would happen. Changes in work, relationships, spiritual life. These posts are mostly for me. I am pretty sure I don't have many readers but there is something therapeutic about putting my thoughts down. Some extra way to help my mind, body and soul process what is going on in my life. So I am committing to journaling or "blogging" more this year. I refuse to put extra pressure on myself! But, I am hoping the Holy Spirit will fill me with the fire I need to take some quiet time for myself amidst the new baby, toddler and all the beautiful mess that comes with raising small children and managing a household.